I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
