I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
