I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
