Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
