Yo dont text me then not text me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
where are my eyebrows?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
