What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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