Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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