the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
