Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
