you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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