i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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