Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Drunk is not a location!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
