Swine flu is the new snow day.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
