He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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