why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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