That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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