I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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