Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
