oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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