It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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