george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
