How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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