I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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