you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
