and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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