so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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