I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
