a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
