It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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