when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
