I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
