Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
