she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
