The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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