I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
