theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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