His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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