At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
