She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize