Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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