I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
