You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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