You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
