It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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