i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
