i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bring me that man meat
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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