anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
