I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
