all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
