plz talk dirty to me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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