those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
