It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize