I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
no you cant smoke seaweed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
