There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
