when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
