I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I party with great urgency now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
