My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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