if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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