well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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