I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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