The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I supernannyed him into submission
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
