awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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