i permit you to call me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
