I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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