I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
