Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
