Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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