Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
